Good Manners at Home

Spreading kindness in the home.

‘Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said: "The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: ‘When Allah – may He be glorified – wills some good towards the people of a household, He introduces kindness among them.’" (Reported by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/71; Sahih al-Jaami’, 303).

Helping one’s wife with the housework.

Many men think that housework is beneath them, and some of them think that it will undermine their status and position if they help their wives with this work.

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), however, used to "sew his own clothes, mend his own shoes and do whatever other work men do in their homes." (Reported by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/121; Sahih al-Jaami’, 4927).

This was said by his wife ‘Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her), when she was asked about what the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) used to do in his house; her response described what she herself had seen. According to another report, she said: "He was like any other human being: he would clean his clothes, milk his ewe and serve himself." (Reported by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/256; al-Silsilat al-Sahihah, 671).

She (may Allah be pleased with her) was also asked about what the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) used to do in his house, and she said, "He used to serve his family, then when the time for prayer came, he would go out to pray." (Reported by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 2/162).

If we were to do likewise nowadays, we would achieve three things:

We would be following the example of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah

be upon him)

We would be helping our wives

We would feel more humble, not arrogant.

Being affectionate towards and joking with the members of the family Showing affection towards one’s wife and children is one of the things that lead to creating an atmosphere of happiness and friendliness in the home. Thus the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) advised Jaabir to marry a virgin, saying, "Why did you not marry a virgin, so you could play with her and she could play with you, and you could make her laugh and she could make you laugh?" (The hadeeth is reported in a number of places in the Sahihayn, such as al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 9/121). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) also said: "Everything in which Allah’s name is not mentioned is idleness and play, except for four things: a man playing with his wife…" (Reported by al-Nisaa'i in ‘Ushrat al-Nisa’, p. 87; also in Sahih al-Jaami’).

The ways in which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) showed affection towards young children are too famous to need mentioning. He often used to show his affection towards Hasan and Husayn, as mentioned above. This is probably one of the reason why the children used to rejoice when he came back from travelling; they would rush to welcome him, as reported in the Sahih hadeeth: "Whenever he came back from a journey, the children of his household would be taken out to meet him." He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) used to hug them close to him, as ‘Abd-Allah ibn Ja;far said: "Whenever the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) came back from a journey, we would be taken out to meet him. One day we met him, Hasan, Husayn and I. He carried one of us in front of him, and another on his back, until we entered Madeenah." (Sahih Muslim, 4/1885- 2772; see the commentary in Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi, 8/56).

Compare this with the situation in some miserable homes where there are no truthful jokes [i.e., jokes that do not involve lying], no affection and no mercy.

Whoever thinks that kissing his children goes against the dignity of fatherhood should read the following hadeeth: from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: "The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) kissed al-Hasan ibn ‘Ali, and al- Aqra’ ibn Haabis al-Tameemi was sitting with him. Al-Aqra’ said: ‘I have ten children and I have never kissed any one of them.’ The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) looked at him and said: ‘The one who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.’"